Nicola Yeager

Nicola Yeager is a writer and book reviewer. After several years working as a journalist for a variety of publications, she started writing novellas. Her first in the chick lit genre, The Spa Day, was a critical success and an Amazon best seller. She followed this up with Picture Imperfect, which continued the gritty, witty, first person style of her debut and was also a best seller. This was followed by two full-length novels, Summer Loving and Miss Match, also critically acclaimed best-sellers. Her latest eBook, A Recipe for Love, 'could not have been completed without the help of industrial quantities of Waitrose Mocha Blend ground coffee and spending lots of time looking at online shopping sites.' Although born in Lincoln, she has lived in London for almost twelve years and lives with her husband and two small children. Her hobbies include swimming and slimming! Nicola Yeager's Delicious Pancake Recipe. (As specially taught to her by her mother) This recipe was taught to me by my mother and the recipe was passed down to her from her mother, who was my grandmother and also my mother's mother (not my father's mother, who spent most of her life in prison in Vught). Recipes that are passed down from one mother to another mother are always better than recipes that a top chef has made up, recipes that you find in a cookbook, or other non-mother/non-grandmother recipes, whatever they may be. Here is my recipe for delicious pancakes. These can be eaten at any time of the day, but are particularly yummy as a breakfast treat or snack. They can also replace all other meals, if you wish, or be eaten inbetween meals, or as an addition to meals, or can be eaten while at work in the toilets, or can be eaten secretly from your lap while you are eating at a restaurant. Step 1. Drive to nearest supermarket and buy a packet of ready-made pancakes. Pay with cash, so nothing incriminating shows up on your bank statement. Choose a checkout lane with no other people in it to avoid making conversation. Avoid chummy chat with the checkout person and do not make eye contact with them. Step 2. Drive home with the pancakes in a supermarket carrier bag; preferably placed carefully on the passenger seat (you should always be alone when making purchases of this type. As the pancakes are on the passenger seat, you may talk to the pancakes as if they are a real passenger. Gossip and/or smutty love talk are both acceptable. Factual conversation (e.g. scientific theories) may not be discussed as this will only serve to bore the pancakes and make them taste funny. Step 3. Get inside house/flat/bedsit/hotel room and throw your coat on the floor. Put some of the pancakes (two, three or preferably all of them) into the oven and heat up according to the instructions on the packet. Remove all clothes apart from bra and pants (just pants if you are a man), in case someone comes to the door asking about the pancake smell. Step 4. When the pancakes are ready, take them out of the oven and put them on a plate. Unplug the telephone or switch mobile off. Make sure you use a large plate and that it has been cleaned since the last time you or a guest or a social worker used it. Eating the pancakes straight off the kitchen surface or even the floor is acceptable. Step 5. Using a knife, smear jam, marmalade, Nutella, treacle or peanut butter over the pancakes. Possibly all of these things mixed together. You may also drizzle maple syrup over them and add a squeeze of lemon, if you wish. Bacon can also be added, according to taste, and a few spoonfuls of sugar. If you have time, a sausage can also be placed atop the pancakes. Step 6. Using a fork or other utensil, shove the pancakes into your mouth until you have eaten every last one. You may want to watch an erotic DVD while you are doing this. Lick the plate clean while watching the DVD for added erotic atmosphere. Erotic DVDs with a pancake theme are the best, I find. Step 7. Place plate in sink. Throw empty pancake packet in the bin. Push the packet to the bottom of the bin so no one knows it's there and put other rubbish over it. Do washing up later or just throw plate/fork away as well. Hide erotic DVD inside one of your recipe books that no one ever reads, particularly you. Note: you may want to drink something with your pancakes. I usually find that tea, coffee or Coca Cola make excellent accompanying drinks to pancakes, unless you fill the pancakes with huge slabs of marzipan, as I do. If you decide to use huge slabs of marzipan, I would avoid drinking Coca Cola, as the marzipan is so sweet that you won't be able to taste the Coca Cola properly, which is a waste of good Coca Cola.